It’s August 11, 6:36am. A bit of shower here in Chiang Mai. Wow. Time does fly when you’re having fun.
I fell asleep early last night while watching a movie on my phone and I don’t remember putting it on the table. My eyeglasses sitting on the side. My husband must’ve fixed my things before he went to sleep.
Ah, the simple things.
Only a few days left before Al3 and I are going to celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary. He reminded me on August 1 that we’d be turning 1 soon. He always do the countdown between the two of us.
“That was fast” was all I could think of.
And I would admit that I have found myself changed over the months that my husband and I have been together. I like to keep things private and there may be lessons and experiences that only me and my husband will ever know, but there are also lessons and experiences I want to share because maybe it can be helpful to other couples too.
And that brings me to my first and very important point.
Learn how to pray together
I was always a prayerful person. Because I believe that prayer changes things.. or it changes us. I’m an introvert and I like having my own personal time. I love doing things alone.
So when I got married, I have to welcome my husband in my own personal space. And even during my devotion time.
It’s good to pray individually, but praying together is a very beautiful way to bond with your partner and help solve issues that are sometimes, too hard to bear.
Pray. Cry if you have to. You’ll be more peaceful and happy when you get things off your chest and your burden will definitely be light.
Be kind. Always. If you can. Especially when you’re right.
I couldn’t stress how important it is to be kind to your spouse. I find that spouses can be the first persons you can easily take for granted just because they’re in a lifetime commitment with you.
I know because I have been blessed with a kind husband. Which I’m very grateful for every single day.
And I, on the other hand, am full of anxieties and easily panic when I’m put in an uncomfortable situation. I cry easily and I get hurt easily. And when you have so much emotions, let’s face it, it’s a challenge to stay calm. Much more be kind.
You have to make a conscious effort to be kind despite what you’re feeling.
I have said things that I am not proud of when I’m angry. And I realized it’s so easy to break your partner’s heart and send them to the edge. Which is why being kind is more important than being right. And even if you’re right, this doesn’t give you a ticket to badmouth your partner.
I hope no one learns this the hard way. Cause I had to.
When you and your partner are kind to each other, it’s reassuring that no matter what you go through, you will always be treated kindly by the person you spend most of your days with.
Accept the things you cannot change. And if they do change, compliment them.
Here’s another thing I have been struggling with. I’m so dead set in the things I’m used to and in ways how I do things.
But as I read before, empty your cup and start new habits and traditions with your partner.
This doesn’t mean to completely forget your ways and your family traditions but to be open to new ones.
I’m not an adrenaline junkie. My husband is. I’m a bookworm. My husband can’t remember the last time he read a book cover to cover. I love waking up early when it’s peaceful and quiet. My husband could sleep ’til noon. I love getting lost in cities, my husband wants a more detailed plan on where we’re going.
The list goes on and on but the only thing that matters here is..
Accept each others flaws. Embrace each other’s differences. And most importantly, meet each other halfway.
Just try, and do things that you never thought you will or can do and it might surprise you.
Just as it surprised me that I wasn’t that scared of swimming in the lagoon where my husband had gladly dived in with joy, jumping from the boat while I had to crawl my way down the water before I slowly let go of the rail. Or the half finished book my husband and I are reading together which he tries to read out loud. And try not to get bored. LOL
Don’t focus too much on what you don’t like about your partner. Magnify the things that does make you happy.
But if you have to call them out, please do it kindly.
Be happy on your own.. so you can be happier together.
Now this might sound contradicting to my previous points but…
Happiness is a choice. Happiness is contagious. Happiness is a personal thing.
Imagine two happy people marrying each other. Can you imagine it?
Now imagine two unhappy people being together? That’s gonna be interesting.
I’m just going to say this, and if it offends anyone, my apologies. But it is not your spouse’s job to make you happy. That’s your job.
You shouldn’t depend on them to make you happy. They can influence us but it is still our choice to be happy or not.
Take two women who are so stressed from work and were welcomed by their husbands with an already set dinner. One was being grateful and very happy she doesn’t have to cook dinner and so enjoyed the food with her husband. The other, let stress take over her and instead of enjoying dinner with her husband, chose to nag about other household chores that needed to be done and share all her frustrations from work. The dinner, to say the least, was an awful experience.
While ranting and letting off steam is good, there’s a time and place to do it.
In life, there will always be obstacles, problems and unfortunate situations but you have a choice to stay joyful in times of trouble and to maintain a positive attitude even when you’re stressed.
Why Being Happy Is More Important Than Being Right
“Yes, you’re right.”
This could be one of the hardest things to admit to your spouse when you know you’re right. But if being right all the time injures your relationship or build a wall between you and your spouse, it’s high time we choose happiness over being right.
Don’t get it wrong and think that you should just let your partners get away with anything because there are times when you need to love them hard so they can learn.
What I want to convey is, when you’re fighting too much that you end up throwing insults like confetti to each other or bring up past mistakes that have long been forgiven, just so you can rub it to your partner’s face that you are right… always choose happiness and being at peace with each other rather than being always right.
Time check: 7:53am. The sun is up but my husband is still sleeping. We’re off to an ATV adventure at 9am today. We are not a perfect couple, but we always try our best to create happy memories together and take care of each other’s well-being. 🙂
This blogpost is inspired by Why People In Happy Relationships Don’t Worry About Being Right.