“Uy, kanus-a man ka magminyo?” “Wala paka maburos?” “Huy, 30 na ka hapit naka molapas sa kalendaryo!” “Si kuan nalang minyoe, choosy-choosy paka tigulang na kaayo ka!” “Pagminyo na uy!” “Nganong wa pa man ka maburos?”
These statements are all too familiar and I couldn’t keep count of how many times I’ve been asked about when I’m getting married or when I’m going to get pregnant.
I know some people mean well but oftentimes, this creates unnecessary anxiety to some. Some people will even skip family reunions because they’ve had enough of these questions from their relatives.
This societal pressure is experienced by mostly women in the late 20s and early 30s, I know because I’m one of them.
I chose a life that made me happy and fulfilled yet not the typical road that society deemed usual and appropriate.
It seems that the life cycle people expect you to live is like this: go to school, find a good job after graduating, get married and have kids.
And I admire those who followed this because I know it isn’t easy. But then there are people like me.
Working online, traveling whenever she can and took the path less travelled.
I remember telling someone before that I am single not because I lack options or no one was good enough, I chose to be single because I honestly enjoyed the freedom of doing things on my own and be able to live an independent life.
I spent most of my days traveling alone and it has done me a lot of good. It pushed me out of my comfort zone, taught me how to be responsible of myself and how I was capable of making things happen.
Here’s a Sneak Peek of a few of my travels over the years
I’m so grateful I didn’t get pressured into marrying early because if I did, I know I’d be unhappy not being able to fulfill my goals as a single woman or not having pushed myself and discover what it is that I truly want.
The road can be lonely, yes, but it can be so much fun too. When you’re single, you get to practice making decisions on your own. You learn things you never learn when you’re with someone. You get to have time for yourself and trust me, it can be so fulfilling.
These might be the reasons why I enjoyed my time alone because I was able to push myself to do the things that scares me, to know what makes me happy, to get to know myself better and learn how to decide on my own.
But there are so many reasons why women chose and still choose to continue to stay single.
Ask someone, without judging, why they’re single, you might be surprised of their answer.
When Is The Best Time To Get Married?
This is a hard question because I don’t think there’s a specific time or age that applies to everyone.
The best time for me to get married was when I was 29.
I was planning on my second Europe Trip and stayed in the metro to process my visa when I realized that I am ready to “retire” my single life.
It makes me smile looking back because people didn’t expect I’d get married any time soon because I don’t flaunt everything in social media. So when I actually got married, all the questions and pressures about me getting married flew out of the window and now comes the pressure of having kids. You really can’t please everybody.
Let me just say this, there’s nothing wrong with taking your time to do things. I prefer to have my own timeline which is heavily lead by God as I know His plans are the best.
Ofcourse there are things I wish happened sooner and yes I get sad and anxious when something doesn’t happen the way I want it to but that’s why I rely heavily on what God has in store for me. I may not be able to understand it at the moment but I know in time that I will or maybe I won’t so I just have to trust that He who promised is faithful because He truly is.
The transition from being a happy single lady to a fulfilled married woman didn’t happen overnight. I struggled because I was so used to being alone and doing things alone for so long.
But then it’s also the reason why I am fulfilled and happy with a partner because I am a better partner now than I’ll ever be if I rushed getting married.
I never really understood why it’s important to pray for your future spouse and wait for someone that God has for you until I got married.
Because let me tell ya, marriage is not for the faint of heart. 😅 And I say this lovingly. I guess marriage has been uberly romanticized that when people get married, they stop working on making their relationship work because, well, they’re already married.
When I got married, I found out it requires more work than being in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. You have to choose to love your spouse every day especially when times are tough. It’s a 24/7 work that you and your partner will need to put in (unless he/she sleeps 12 hours a day 🤣). Kidding aside, it’s really a lifetime commitment you have to work on every day.
The adjustment period may last a lifetime because it’s really not easy to live with someone no matter how much alike you two are. You need to learn to be more patient and understanding or else you’ll lose it every single time. I struggled in this so much because I wasn’t used to sharing my bed and especially my blanket. 😅 I think there’d be less fights in husbands and wives if the bathrooms are separate too. 🤣
I have been told that the best foundation a marriage can have is putting God in the center of it. And I couldn’t agree more. Having someone who prays with you and for you can really make a difference in your relationship.
Are you happy being single? Great! Are you sad and tired being single? If yes, what made you think you’d be happy in a relationship? Or being married? A lot of married people are lonely and unhappy. Google “lonely married people statistics”, I did, and even though the scenarios are different in each marriage, every lonely marriage has one thing in common: at least one spouse feels abandoned emotionally.
This is so sad to hear because marriage is so much fun and there’s even a study that married couples are happier than everyone else, especially in middle age.
“Companionship is critical, said Fran Walfish, a Beverly Hills-based psychologist. “Couples need to do fun things together,” she told MarketWatch. “Having fun on a date night out, or the adventure of vacation facilitates bonding through communication, both verbal and physical. Many of my married patients throw themselves onto my office therapy couch complaining about feeling lonely because their spouse is always working.” – marketwatch.com
If there’s one thing I learned in being married for almost three years, it is to make time for your partner and make them a priority. Because when you make them feel less, it could create bigger problems. If the attention, care and time they crave and need aren’t met, chances are, they’re going to find that elsewhere, whether in hobbies, things or other people. And that’s a recipe for destruction.
It is true what they say that once you’re married there are things you could and should no longer do. But marriage comes with a lot of fun things you can do as a couple too.
Schedule time for dates, vacations and keep doing things together. But you don’t have to spend a lot of money, even just setting up a table outside your home and have your meals in a different location can work. You can also have movie nights on Saturdays and watch a virtual Sunday service the next day. There are many fun things you can do at home that won’t cost you much, you just need to be a little creative. ☺️
But the work doesn’t stop there. You need to have the right attitude in your marriage and more. There are a lot of factors to make a marriage work and last, just like having and maintaining a healthy body. You need to eat healthy, do exercise and keep stress at bay to name a few. If you live a sedentary lifestyle, your health will deteriorate.
So when is the best time to get married? Only you can answer that. Are you ready to put in the work? Can you commit to loving your spouse every day?
When Is The Best Time To Have Kids?
Before 35? 6 months after getting married?
Time is of the essence in getting pregnant, they say, and it’s true, based on science.
“Fertility gradually declines in the 30s, particularly after age 35. Each month that she tries, a healthy, fertile 30-year-old woman has a 20% chance of getting pregnant.” – reproductivefacts.com
“The rate of decline accelerates around the age of 35 and the vast majority of women are essentially infertile by the time they reach 45.” – bbc.com
Yet there are women who still continue to give birth in their 50s. Here’s a story of a woman who gave birth to twins at the age of 74: https://www.usatoday.com/amp/2231598001
Now this is a sensitive topic for me for reasons I’m not yet ready to share (but will soon).
With that being said, the best time for me to have kids is definitely any time now.
I’ve truly enjoyed our time as a couple and I could say I’m ready to take on motherhood and start the next adventure of our lives.
I’m pretty sure it won’t be easy, all I know is that it will all be worth it.
But until then, I will enjoy where I currently am in my journey and I hope you enjoy yours too whether you are single or married.
Happy Sunday! 🖤